A Literary Limerick – The Harry Potter Saga

Today’s Music: Nina Simone – I Put A Spell On You

As promised (threatened?) here is the Harry Potter Limerick Omnibus! (Sounds so much more dignified than it really is…)
None of the limericks have been edited, except for the titles to make them more consistent.
Enjoy!

Book One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

A young boy with a scar on his head
His parents, both sadly were dead
When he reached age eleven,
thought he’d been admitted to heaven
But had to fight the “2 headed” teacher instead.

Book Two: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Everyone said that it was a secret
But Harry’s interest was piqued
Guilderoy was no help –
At his own shadow he yelped.
But with a phoenix, the basilisk was beated.

Book Three: Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

The dog in the bushes was mysterious.
Harry though that he might be delirious
There were a wolf and a mouse
In a very haunted house
but the hero, in the end, was Sirius

Book Four: Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves
Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

Book Five: Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.
Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?

Book Six: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Sirius had gone through the veil.
In Dark Arts, Snape threatened Harry with “Fail”
But Harry did more
Hangin’ with Dumbledore.
If only he’d built the balcony a rail

Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –
this limerick will be split into two.

Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.

A Literary Limerick – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Today’s Music: Europe – The Final Countdown

Well, we’ve finally made it. Today, July 31st, is Harry Potter’s birthday. What better time to end our Iliad-ish saga through the Harry Potter epic in limerick form?
(Yes, yes, the day after it started (or even the day before) would have been a better time.)

But since we’ve all (Some of us? None of us? Just me?) made it this far, lets finish it with a bang, shall we? (if you haven’t read the rest yet, and are into that kind of torture, click the Limerick tab above the banner.)

The story thus far:
Two headed teacher, nifty phoenix, useless teachers, good teachers, great teachers, mistaken identity, slugs, potions, wickedness, sparkly vampi- (sorry, got confused there), anger, angst, whining, angst, willow, vuvuzela, treacle tart.
Oh, and noseless bad guy.

All caught up? Then, with a robust HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY! and a sincere DON’T SUE ME JK!, we now conclude our limerickian tribute to Harry Potter.

Book Seven – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.

Thank you all for coming along for the ride!

Tomorrow, as requested, I will post all eight limericks on one page(!!!)
I’ll understand if the hit count is low.

A Literary Limerick – Deathly Hallows, Part One

Today’s Music: Blind Faith – Can’t Find My Way Home

Well, here we are, rapidly closing in on the finish. Almost all the adult authority figures that are going to die importantly already have. And so, the final journey begins.
After much walking and walking and running and walking, Sam and Frodo Harry and Hermione (and Ron) finally end up with a proper plan that they hope will work.

So let us begin the limericky bastardization of book seven of JK Rowlings magnificent Opus! (Not the penguin.)

Book Seven – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –
this limerick will be split into two.

*Apologies to Elyse for following the movies (not the books) to get in that extra limerick, and Lisa, who might actually dislike limericks.

For those of you with calendars (or a low tolerance for pain), we will wrap this up on 31 July, Harry Potter’s Birthday.
So you may want to steer clear until after that…
hehehe

A Literary Limerick – Goblet Of Fire

Today’s Music: the Cranberries – Loud And Clear

Welcome to yet another round of Guap has nothing good to write and is taking it out on you the finest in poetic literary synopsii, where we reduce a quality text to inane drivel.

Today, we turn our eye to the next book in the Harry Potter series, Goblet Of Fire.
If you haven’t seen the rest (or blotted them out of your mind to escape the trauma), I invite you to click Limerick above the banner and experience the horror experience anew!

Goblet of Fire is the heartwarming tale of a boy who struggles through life’s travails in search of the perfect treacle tart. Truly, this book has it all. As well as, after this limerick, the extra credibility of a hack knocking the stuffing out of it.

*One note before reading – I have absolutely no idea what the syllabic requirements of limericks are. And I’m too damn lazy to look it up. But I’m pretty sure this one is even further off than usual. And you’ll have to read in 1/16th notes at the end to keep the meter.
It’s a limerick folks. You’ve been warned.

The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves
Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

If anyone needs the website of a reputable mental health professional, let me know.
And you’re welcome!

A Literary Limerick – Prisoner of Azkaban

Today’s Music: Ramones – Rock & Roll High School
Days Til Spring: 29

I am actually thinking of doing a political post, but I won’t be around so much this week to moderate and respond to comments.
The topic generates a lot of vitriol, and there is the potential of some very unpleasant name calling from non-regulars who wander over to troll. (I have found the regular name calling that goes on here to be very pleasant and entertaining.)

Since I’ll be away for a couple of days (Van Halen in Indiana. Because who doesn’t want to go to Indiana in February?), I thought I’d give you something that I know will generate hatred in the comments, without having to wonder.

So, we now continue with the latest installment of abominable Harry Potter limericks. You’re welcome. Oh, and feel free to check out all the literary limericks by clicking the Limerick tab up by the title bar.

The Prisoner of Azkaban

The dog in the bushes was mysterious.
Harry though that he might be delirious
There were a wolf and a mouse
In a very haunted house
but the hero, in the end, was Sirius

Have a great week, and try to recover before the next Friday Foolishness poll.
Seriously, you’ll need all your strength for that one.