Monthly Archives: June 2012

Friday Foollishness – Creamy/Crunchy Edition

Today’s Music: Rich vs Roach – The Casbah
Note On Today’s Music: This is one of my favorite pieces of music. Brilliant.

Oh. My. God.
Is it finally Friday? Do I really have two days off that I can use to catch my breath, if only for a moment? It wasn’t work that got me this week. It was personal matters that had me getting to bed late every night, and left me with a minimum of personal time this week. I’m hoping next week will be a little better, but the early view is not optimistic.
But, because I look forward to what you guys say every week, I did manage to sample a few posts.
Elyse knew how the Supreme Court would vote way before the rest of us. A Very Strange Place earned a blog award. Well deserved. Even if he does wear a squid on his head.
Because he’s a pervert.
Susie Lindau got stuck in the worlds most expensive traffic jam. Whatimeant2say bestowed one of the coolest awards ever on me, which I’ll have to find a place to hang. (because really, it’s pretty cool!).
And Trifecta, in a legendary example of their obsession with 3, put up their week 33 challenge, with some brilliant entries!
Thanks for giving me a few minutes of laughter and thoughtfulness. I really do appreciate it, and I’m looking forward to catching up on everything I’ve missed!

That’s what a superhero looks like! Until he starts chewing on your furniture…

Last week, we wanted to know the inner you. The deeper you. The super you. So we asked. Because how else do you ever find anything out? And here’s what you guys answered to last week’s poll, My superpower is… (As always, my responses bring truth and justice in italics).

The power to confuse you. and if it gets really tricky, myself. LizzieC
(That wouldn’t be a real super…um…I mean…um…yes, I’d like flapjacks with that…or something…)
Silent and deadly (aka fartpower!) Kanerva
(She’s the only one who can conquer the evil Nostrilitis!)
being a flower on a wall…a wallflower! (Stacy Lyn)
(So your super power is…stamen-a? HAHAHAHA!!!)
I can be a mom & a Yaya simultaneously! @justsoozie
(If you were a MaYa, could you stop the AzTec end of the world thing?)
being asleep when any really difficult job comes up. Rose
(Does that mean a pillow would be part of your superhero costume? Are spandex pillows comfortable?)
the ability to ramble endlessly about myself without using even one swear word
(Um…is that a super power, or super deficiency?)
I know people when I sniff their butt. No, wait. That’s my dog. Michelle Motley
(You know Michelle, I’ve never actually seen you and your dog at the same time…)
Being able to complain about anything and everything! –Lily
(Sadly, it’s too late now for you to develop a secret identity to go with that.)
a laconic, yet powerful, sense of humor (unlike the lady in black in clip) b’kat
(I bet you’d look even better than her in black leather!)
ok, well the sense of humor would be acerbic, quick, laconic, quirky, so everyone would die laughing (yhis field is TOO small!!! buddhakat
(How would you defeat your arch enemy, Dour Man?)
Noticing that all of the above should be at the bottom – John Phillips
mind control – which I would ONLY use for good!!! buddhakat
“Octoblogger?” good one!!! buddhakat
(I rely on SyFy movies for all my wacky creature names.)
Always having energy…no matter how much my child tries to drain me of it!
(Wait – does that make your child a super villain?)
Able to Spot Pottery Barn BS in a single glance! LVernon
(Doesn’t it only take a single glance into Pottery Barn to see BS? And would you still be able to spot sustainable BS?)
repressed, oppressed and depressed, but not freshly pressed. Stay Abnormal
(No, but if a watery tart throws a scimitar at you, you could be king!) (anyone? anyone?)
baking bacon-chocolate chip cookies (as long as we’re all about bacon!) – asplenia
(Paula? Paula Deen? Is that you?)
ability to suck at submitting good answers to Guapo polls. (Frank)
(Frank, you’d need an infinite amount of time to be able to achieve that. I love yours answers to these!)
ADHD- Awesomely Daring & Hi-Larious Diva! GingerLicious
(No one would be able to see your logo. You’d blind them with your shininess!)
modesty. – BrainTomahawk
(Shouldn’t that be MODESTY!!!)
eating lots of asparagus without my pee smelling. ~flame
(You could say you have that power now, because I certainly wouldn’t want to confirm it.)
Being able to “Mel”tittask-According To Mags
(You could be MELtiple Powers Woman!*)
(For those of you who have no idea what this means, you should be following @AccordingToMags on twitter. And reading her blog!)

A secret. I like the element of surprise. SURPRISE!! See? It worked! KJ
(EEK!!! Hey, well done. And oh, my hiccups are gone! You have dual superpowers!)

Congratulations to John Phillips for an unprecedented two wins in three weeks! And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie between BRRRAAAIIINNNNSSS!!!! and finding the baco- I mean…good in my fellow man. No, forget it, I mean bacon.. So congratulations to all you lucky winners.

And that brings us to this week.
One of the side effects of being pressed for time all week and doing everything on the run is that even the eating is done on the run. That’s right folks, sandwiches.
One of my favorite ones is the classic, PB&J.
But that got me to thinking. Peanut Butter is a noble spread, up there in the pantheon with butter…hummus…bactine (sorry, that’s for a different post).
So shouldn’t it be able to spread it’s cement like wings and fly? Smear itself joyously across the dance floor? That’s the question we slather on this weeks poll.
Vote as many times as you like. And if you write in for Other, leave a way to tell who you are and I’ll link back to you next week. Just do it by 2359 EST, on 5 June. Because that’s when this one ends…

There you have it. Another week thankfully drawing to a close.
Here’s a couple of videos for you until next time.
First, the PB&J video made me think of this. No idea why.

And a hilarious sketch with Carol Burnett and Robin Williams. A bit long, but worth it!

Have a great week everyone. And if you see anyone running like hell, that’s probably me.

Trifecta – 33

Today’s Music: Clint Black – Good Run Of Bad Luck

Well, this one’s a little odd.
The fine tri-centric folk at trifecta (gamesters of triskelion?), for their 33rd week, have put up a triple challenge.
I have, in usual form, done my best to find some way to squeeze my story into the rules. And probably failed miserably.
Hey, at least I’m consistent.

Each 1/3 is another piece of the challenge, but they are all in one post, as it tells one overall story. I hope you all enjoy it, and to the Trifecta judging committee, I hope you find it as entertaining to read as I did to try and develop.

The entire set comes in at 999 words, not including titles.

Prompt 1: response to the following quote: “What I tell you three times is true.” by Lewis Carroll

Trifecta – 33 1/3

_____“What have we got?” he asked as he arrived. The Sergeant pointed at the man handcuffed in the alley, pacing back and forth.
_____“We don’t know if he’s the perp or a witness,” answered the officer. “We thought we’d better hold him, just in case.”
_____ “Thanks”. The Detective moved towards the little man when the Sergeant called him back. “We found him riding around in circles on that thing.” He pointed to an antique tricycle, the front wheel as tall as the Detective’s six feet. The Detective took a deep breath and fought down a feeling of impending doom. He looked away and moved towards the man.
_____ “So? What’s the story here?”
_____ The little man stopped his pacing and looked up from his three foot height at the Detective. “It’s them” he squeaked. “You know I’m no faker. Whether you want to call it a butcher or baker. It’s true”
_____ “Start from the top” said the detective, the Sergeant standing agape over his shoulder.
_____ “Whether it’s beaver or bear, They both were there! It’s true!”
_____ The detective backed away.
_____“They’ll navigate. Oh, just you wait. It’s true!!!”
_____ The detective turned to leave and crashed into the Sergeant. The Sergeant looked from the little man to the Detective.
_____ “What the hell? Can we believe anything he’s saying?
_____ The Detective took a deep breath. “Oh yeah, we can believe him. He said it three times. It has to be true.” He fixed the Sergeant with a cold stare. “We’re dealing with a snark.”

Prompt 2: Score:
_____ a : an account or reckoning originally kept by making marks on a tally
b : amount due : indebtedness

Trifecta 33 2/3

_____ Another crime scene. The EMTs pulled people out from the muddy field. Scripter Obscura and Janna T coughed, clearing their lungs. Sights n Bytes and Linda Vernon were drinking lemonade, trying to wash dirt from their throats.
_____ Sharp Little Pencil lay in an ambulance, eyes wide, grinning as her hand wrote poetry in the air.
_____ Brain Tomahawk giggled to himself.
_____ The Detective walked across the scene, noting how things were laid out. He continued towards the impromptu carnival of 3 ambulances and 33 emergency personnel.
_____ “Hello again Sergeant. What have we got?”
_____ “Should’ve known you’d be here. That Snark is out of control.” He gestured. “Look at this mess.”
_____ “I see it” sighed the Detective. “How many bodies?”
_____ “None” answered the Sergeant. “But I’ve got 32 people, all writerly types, all a little crazed.”
_____ “Anything useful?” pressed the Detective.
_____ “Aside from a third of them yelling that they have to ‘link up’, they all had strange patterns on their clothes.”
_____ The Detective’s head snapped up. “Patterns?”
_____ “One thick stripe, flanked by two narrow stripes. On all of them.” The Sergeant paused. “You know…it reminds me of that-“
_____ “Tricycle” finished the Detective. “This may be bigger than we thought. What else?”
_____ “Found a scrap of paper wedged in each person’s nose. A number on each one.”
_____ “Same number?”
_____ “No.” He handed the Detective an evidence bag of scraps of paper.
_____ The Detective eyed it. “Let me guess. One for each vic, numbered one to thirty two.”
_____ “Yes. What does it mean?”
_____ The Detective looked into the night. “It means this isn’t over yet. And someone is keeping score.”

Prompt Three:Write a 33-333 word response to the song featured below.

Trifecta 33 3/3 (Hey, wouldn’t that be 34?)(No, just go with it.)(Um…Ok…)

_____ The autumn air drifted gently over a field of smashed pumpkins. After 33 weeks, the Detective had finally tracked down the Snark. He left the field for a wooded area, and was lost for a moment, but picked out the tricycle tracks in the mud. He followed them to the trike against a tree. Looking up, he saw the little man he interrogated all those weeks ago humming to himself on his perch. The Snark saw the Detective and hopped down beside him.
_____ “You made it” grinned the Snark.
_____ The Detective shook his head fighting a wave of weariness. “This has to end” he said quietly.
_____ “We can make it last, forever, you and I.” answered the Snark, just as quietly. “It would be an…interesting challenge.”
_____ The Detective faced the Snark. “I can lose myself, for a moment. But not eternity.” He reached into his coat.
_____ The Snark wasted no time. He pulled out a stone sword and leapt at the Detective, toppling him before he could draw. The Detective rolled over, trying to shake the little man loose. The Snark wouldn’t let go. “All this time” he cried. “I’ve devised challenges to delight and amuse! To inspire and challenge! To stimulate and occasionally defeat! It is my reason!” He fought, using his size to his advantage.
_____ The Detective slipped, falling over. The Snark stood over him, a melancholy light of triumph in his eyes, and raised the sword for a final blow, his mouth in a cry of victory.
_____In that moment, the Detective found his weapon, and drew a fine filigreed Mount Blanc fountain pen. He pressed a release that emptied the ink reservoir into the Snark’s eyes and throat.
_____ The Snark’s cheer became a choke, then a gurgle, then…silence.
_____ The Snark fell. A gust of wind blew leaves and dirt, swirling around the body until it was covered, except for one hand, clenched in a fist.
_____ The Detective gathered himself up and brushed himself off. Approaching the cairn slowly, he saw a scrap of paper sticking out of the clenched fist.
_____ He paused and sighed, knowing what came next. Despite his dread, he reached out to perform his final task, drawing the slip of paper from the hand.
_____ The wind gusted harder. Leaves blew. Dirt columned in a gyre. The Detective changed. His spine shrunk, his limbs compressing until he shrunk to half his height, swimming in his now oversized clothes.
_____ He looked at the scrap, sighed, stuck it in his pocket. No words. Just a number.
_____ Thirty three.
_____ He mounted the tricycle. He pedaled slowly away, thinking about his previous life, the places where his friends still met. He saw a glint from the leaf cairn – the stone sword, and felt a surge of pride at the battle.
_____ “The pen is mightier than the sword” he said to himself, riding off to devise the next challenge…

Trifextra Challenge – MMMMMM!!!

Today’s Music: Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar On Me

I read a lot. Voraciously even. I’ve mentally consumed thousands if not millions of pages on topics as varied as wave mechanics and quantum physics to Encyclopedia Brown and Bloom County. And I’ve loved almost all of them.

So when the fine folks at Trifecta posed the challenge of retelling a favorite book in just 33 words, my head almost exploded. I mean, how could I pick just one book? And how could I condense the brilliance within to just 33 words?

So I pondered, and thought, mused and ruminated, considered and mulled. And so, with sincere apologies to the Trifecta judges, who do an incredible job developing and judging these challenges (and are occasionally forced to read stuff like this), and to my readers, who I sincerely hope and pray don’t lynch for what I’m about to do, and finally to Joe Hoover, who will probably approve of this one, I present my response to the Trifecta Writing Challenge:

(oh, and I guess an apology to her too)

Butter, butter, butter, butter, sugar, sugar, butter, sugar, bacon, sugar, butter, pork, butter, sugar, sugar, sugar, butter, butter, lard, butter, butter, cream cheese, butter, pork, butter, sugar, sugar, butter, bacon, drippings, diabetes.


Have a great weekend y’all, and love and best dishes from Paula’s kitchen to yuuuurs!

Friday Foolishness – Leather and Spandex Edition

Today’s Music: Train – Save Me San Francisco
Note On Today’s Music: Not a big Train fan, and the song has nothing to do with the post. But it’s a fun song and a fun video, so I thought I’d throw it in.

Well, that was a fun week. Started bad, got a little better, got ridiculously hot, and now it’s on the verge of finishing. Thank. God.
We had our new overlords in from overseas, and they did not make life easier. On the bright side, I sent out a resume for a position I’d like to get, so hopefully I’ll get a call from them.
The upshot is that I wasn’t around the ‘sphere near as much as I wanted to be. Most of the posts I managed to read I did in my email. But there were still some great ones.
Sights N Bytes told a story about a possessed guitar. Adair put up a perfectly named post about random stuff. Though it could also have been called “Ear Wax and Why We Love It”.
And more thoughtfully, ShoutAbyss put up an excellent post about the NRA that doesn’t have the usual vitriol a topic like that inspires.

Thanks to them and for everyone else out there. You guys put up wonderful posts that remind me there are better things to do than work too hard, and I thank you for it!

Hard to remember, but it was just last week we were discussing death. Specifically, the thing that doesn’t kill you.
And boy, did you guys have some strong opinions. So here they are, your responses to last weeks poll, What doesn’t kill me…. (As always, my comments are immortalized in italics.)

Better run!
(But it’s exercise that always gets me!)
will keep trying unless you kill it first. liveclay/Laura!
(What did you do to piss off the telemarketers?)
is anything that ends with ‘ia’ … insomnia, dyslexia … (kanerva)
(Actually, death by euphoria sounds like a pretty good way to go…)
is called parenthood (kanerva)
(Well, yes, but not in mainstream magazines.)
better run like hell because I have “cramps”- enough said! FinallyWendyWanders
(And, as a guy, I think you’ve said too much!)
helps me understand Calculus?
(Nothing like solving a mass/velocity equation while running for your life!)
makes my therapist wealthier
(Tell me about your mother. $500 please.)
may eventually result in a lucrative book deal
(Yeah, but what do you do for the sequel?)
is sure to try harder next time. ~flame
(I prefer “If at first you don’t succeed, screw it and take a nap”.)
makes me really really annoyed!
(You wouldn’t like me when I’m annoyed!)
will only make me stronger and baaaaaderrrr
(HA! That was its plan all along!)
will, eh, nevermind. I never complain about being alive. sandylikeabeach
better fucking run. Lilly
(I bet you say that to all the boys!)
Underpants! Bats0711
(Still hung up on those poor rollercoasters…)
Runs when I wake up. Red.
(Exactly what do you look like when you get out of bed?)
…knowing it has to sleep sometime…Red.
(Oh, yeah, that’s what I thought you meant! *cough cough*)
will leave me believing strongly in euthanasia (Elyse 54.5)
(Why help it to win?)
are the terrorists who keep poisoning my food & gave me an inefficient colon.
(If you don’t eat the bacon sundae, the terrorists win.)
The terrorist one was me – WhatIMeant2Say
(See, Homeland Security! She’s in with the terrorists! Not me! (You can pick her up at Harvard this summer) (hehehe))
is mimes, they suck. John Phillips
(Mimes can only kill you if they escape from that box they’re trapped in.)
makes for good blog fodder!
(Megashark versus Octoblogger!)
probably will give me explosive diarrhea. Love, Edward Hotspur
(After it’s done not killing you, you should definitely make it do your laundry!)
makes me _wish_ i were dead
(Well, that’s fatalistic of you…)
Will most certainly give me more wrinkles and grey hair! SnaapALicious Ginger
(I didn’t know you suffered from stress, Ginger. I thought you were just a carrier.)
is apparently a really bad hit man. –
(I really hope you’re not complaining about that!)
makes me want to kill them.
(Turnabout is fair play.)
should have, because now, I’m fucking pissed. (Lorre)
(I see you as Clint Eastwood in this one…)
Will still probably kill me.-Lily
(That’s the spirit!)
makes me longer (popular saying from the Spanish Inquisition) Linda V
(No one expects the Spanish Inquisition…)
is clearly underachieving Stay Abnormal
(Well don’t encourage it!)
makes me a believer in the benefits of alcohol. KJ
(You’re only coming to believe in that now???)
will come back to haunt me (Frank)
(If it gets you, you can haunt it!)

Congratulations to sandylikeabeach for her life affirmingness! And of the offered choices, the most popular was “had better pay my bar tab!”. Damn right. It’s the least it could do.

Last weekend, my girl and I made it to see The Avengers. And it was a lot of fun! Personally, I thought Bruce Banner had the best scenes in the movie. And can someone explain to me what Natasha’s super power is? Other than not sweating all over herself while encased in leather and fighting like a tornado, I mean.
Following that line of thought, I started wondering, what would a good superpower be?
Which brings us to this weeks poll.
Dream big, fellow Asylumites! But dream it soon, because this poll closes at 2359 EST, on 28 June. Leave a way to tell who you are in the write-ins, and I’ll link back to you next week.

So there you have it. And to keep the foolishness rolling a little longer, these are for your entertainment.
This is from the pre-finale fight near the end of the Avengers. Without seeing the whole movie, it’s not as good, but I thought this was one of the best bits.

And for those of you that lament the lack of spirituality on this site, I give you Reverend Jesse Jackson.

Have a great weekend, y’all. See you when I see you…

A Literary Limerick – Order Of The Phoenix

Today’s Music: Dave Edmunds – Crawling FromThe Wreckage

It’s time for the latest installment in the “DEAR GOD WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO US????” limerick interpretation of Harry Potter.
At this point in our story, Harry is whiny, Ron is sullen, and Hermione is…well, Hermione.
Ah, but Cedric is dead and Voldemort is alive.
What can possibly happen next?!?

So join as we…rework…this beloved classic. Into Limerick form!
And if you want to see the rest (because you’re a masochist), just click Limerick above the banner.

The Order Of The Phoenix
Book Five

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.

Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?

No, these probably won’t get any better as they go on. But on the bright side, only three limericks left!

Let the hate mail begin!